She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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