yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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