my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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