So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
