38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
