does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
