is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
