and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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