I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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