Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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