last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize