how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
