And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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