First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
