Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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