i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
