Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize