Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
