last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
