I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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