So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize