This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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