We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
