I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
