Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
