I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
