I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
operation have a gay friend backfired
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
