Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I accidentally burped into my bong.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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