you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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