i can't believe i had my finger in that
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
