Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
