South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
