Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize