i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i think i have two assholes
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
