we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
