11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
