i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are a genius and a whore.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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