I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
