hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize