shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
