Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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