Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
