I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
