You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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