I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
