My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
operation have a gay friend backfired
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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