I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
