At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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