What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
