yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
