yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
