Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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