my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
