I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
