Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
