Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize