This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
