i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
