clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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