she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
