just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
