Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
