I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
