There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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