just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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