i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
