If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
