I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
