Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Alive.
So much puke
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
