Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
