I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
