so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Two words: blizzard sex
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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