I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
