wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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