Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
