Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
