I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We smell like vodka and hangover
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