So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
