you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
