dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
