why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
