your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
