T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
