How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
