So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
