My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
