no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
