i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
