Need sex. Gaining weight.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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