Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
