I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
