pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
