if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
