If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
