I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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