I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
