oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
