we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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