Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
