It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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