Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
